Sometimes in life it’s about starting over and creating something brand new. Sometimes you just need to distance yourself to see things clearly. Sometimes growing stronger means you are growing apart from your old habits, relationships, and circumstances. Have you ever been in a place in life where you just have a unsettling feeling? Like something is just not right anymore. You are no longer happy doing the same thing day after day. The best thing you can do in most situations is to follow your intuition. Just go ahead and take some risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing good will ever happen. So many times I’ve felt stuck. Stuck in bad relationships. Stuck in crappy jobs with crappy pay. Stuck in friendships out of obligation.
The obligation to love and stay loyal to someone can be immense, but love and loyalty are two totally separate things and they don’t always belong together. Prior to meeting Kurtis I was in a relationships that I really wanted to work even though I knew it was toxic. Thinking back I think it was more out of fear of being alone again then fear of losing this person. I was in relationships that were physically abusive. I’ve been in verbally abusive relationships. I’ve also been in relationships where I was constantly cheated on. Yet I stayed far too long in each of them. The re-occurring theme was fear. In any healthy relationship, love should be about give and take. When you give love, it should come back. When what comes back is rude, negative and degrading, all under the intent of love, it will eventually leave you feeling small and depleted. A person can only give so much of themselves before they have nothing left to give. What I’ve learned is healthy people will welcome the support and growth of the people they love. Sometimes that even means them having to change a little to grow as well. Unhealthy people will blame, manipulate and lie. Sometimes that means doing whatever they have to do to return things to the way they’ve always been, with the toxic person being in control.
Making the choice to end each relationship was so hard. Even though I knew it was the right one. Each ended relationship teaches you something. Even if it’s what you don’t want during your next relationship.
Same can be said for friendships. I truly believe we have friendships either for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. There is a beautiful poem that floats around the internet that explains it so well.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support;to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be.”Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.”Some people come into your life for a SEASON,because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.They may teach you something you have never done.They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.” LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.” ~ Unknown
Sometimes, we hold on to people purely based on how long we have known them. Or out of an obligation for something they have done for us. Time can tie people together, but if you feel as though there’s nothing substantial keeping you connected, time is not a strong enough reason to hold on to something that’s simply no longer worth holding onto. Same goes for guilt of a gift or deed. In friendships or relationships we should do things out of kindness and love not to buy loyalty or hold it over people’s heads.
If a person isn’t bringing something significant to your life, not treating you how you’d like or isn’t the type of person you want him or her to be, it’s a clear sign that you need distance yourself from that person. Even if it’s difficult. Fear is another reason why we can’t move on. There’s the fear of being alone. Fear of not being able to find someone else. The fear of someone using our deepest, darkest secrets as blackmail. The fear of the hate and tension that will ensue. The biggest can be the fear of regret once someone is gone. You can’t let fear hold you captive.
Even jobs can be toxic and hard to leave. I’ve worked some pretty crappy jobs and have been in some terrible situations. Being a mother and provider for my children is number one. I made a promise to myself and my kids that we would never be homeless again and I have done everything I can to make sure of that. That even meant sticking it out far to long in a job that was literally sucking the life out of me. When you literally feel sick pulling up to work it may be a good indication that it’s time to move on. I feel that when you work life is constantly spilling over unto your personal life and it’s effecting not only you but your family you need to make a change. Again change is scary. For me thoughts of what if I just stick it out, maybe it will get better. What if I can’t make the same money. What if I don’t find a good job. Fear can be disabling. Fear can leave us stuck in deep dark places. Perhaps our greatest fear is the unknown, which is why so many of us grasp, hold on and manipulate our situations trying to control our surroundings. But the outcome is always the same: more pain, immense frustration and ginormous guilt and blame.
As Dr. Seuss once wrote: “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Now go do something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning. That’s what truly living is all about. Don’t settle for the default settings in life, when you can create the life of your dreams.